Sad, but true

I AM: tired, as always in this cool, grey land.

Had a patient who really stuck with me today. Not literally, silly - he's resting up in bed and I was trekking all over the hospital. Just one of those memorable ones that makes me sad. He has alcoholic liver disease, resulting in a hugely distended tummy full of fluid that he's really embarrassed about. He's also just been diagnosed with cancer. He's very thin, a bit yellow, and has the slow, hesitant speech of depression. When asked if he lives alone, he told us his wife had left him, with their three children, because of his drinking. We enquired about his occupation - in the same sad, but matter of fact way, he told us that he'd been a teacher, but had taken early retirement because alcoholism had caused him to take a lot of time off sick. Unprompted, he carried on - there were lots of things he was looking forward to doing in his retirement, especially gardening and travelling, but he hasn't been able to because now he's sick. His treatment isn't going well so far, because he feels too rotten to cope with most of it.

Despite all of this, he made sure to repeat each of our names, several times, so he wouldn't forget us.

The last thing I heard in this gentleman's sorry tale was this: he was admitted yesterday on his birthday. This man, who is only too aware that his behaviour is the cause of his misery, is 59 years old.